Things I learned on 'Grey's Anatomy' that I didn't learn in medical school

1. Residents perform (and direct) complex surgeries without an attending present
2. Surgical interns rotate through OB/Gyn
3. Asystole is a shockable rhythm
4. Anesthesiologists are a myth (except when needed to run out of the room in a panic)
5. A major university teaching hospital has only a surgical residency program and no medical students
6. Patients need only oxygen via a nasal cannula while undergoing surgery
7. Surgical residents dictate all care given to every patient in the hospital
8. A surgical resident has more power than the chief of surgery
9. Orthopedics residents perform any type of surgery, including Gyn surgeries
10. The chief of surgery runs the hospital
11. Internship lasts for 3 years
12. World-class neurosurgeons live in trailers
13. Clinical brain death leads to absolutely no long-term neurological consequences and has an extremely short recovery time
14. Interns perform fellowship-level procedures after studying for a couple hours
15. There is no ancillary staff at most hospitals
16. Surgeons run the ER
17. Informed consent is a myth
18. Organ transplants are given to patients with an "in" with the chief of surgery
19. Interns perform surgeries solo on the first day of internship (all we really needed to know about surgery we learned in medical school)
20. Cardiothoracic surgeons routinely perform appendectomies
21. Nurses play no routine role in patient care
22. Doctors routinely develop romantic relationships with their patients
22a. This is in no way frowned-upon
23. Familial consent is not necessary to perform an autopsy
24. HIPAA is a myth
25. OB/Gyn training includes pediatric cardiothoracic surgery training
26. Intubation is not a standard, accepted medical practice (see #6)
27. Interns routinely perform their own MRIs
28. 100% recovery of functioning is routine after every surgical procedure
29. Surgical interns insert epidural catheters without supervision (also, see #4)
30. Symptoms of a cerebellar herniation mimic those of a common cold
31. Surgeons know enough medicine to run a clinic
32. The Bell Commission rules seemingly haven't reached all hospitals yet
32a. Despite seemingly working 100+ hours a week, interns still have time to look beautiful
33. Cardiothoracic surgeons manage arrhythmias intra-op (see #4)
34. Face masks are optional in the OR
35. Interns must, in addition to sleeping with an attending, pass a test in order to move on to PGY2
36. You can keep your license after cutting a patient's LVAD wire on purpose and "going on probation" for the hospital with no legal consequences
37. It is completely professional for medical staff to fight each other in front of patients
38. Unlike other forms of alcohol, tequila actually does not impair your ability to render decisions on critical medical issues
39. Hospital shifts start at a decent morning hour
40. Surgical interns have time to eat lunch. Sitting down. All at the same time.
41. Residents schedule their own surgeries (and can cancel them for personal diversions)
42. Standard first-line treatment for hiccups is chlorpromazine given IM, without consent
43. Standard first-line treatment for GERD is endoscopic fundal plication
43a. H2 blockers and PPIs are a myth
44. Bacterial endocarditis "is nothing to worry about"
45. Toxic megacolon "just happens" and "is nothing to worry about"
46. Placenta accreta is an obscure medical term that only OB/Gyn's seem to know
46a. It is standard to attempt a vaginal delivery with a diagnosis of placenta accreta
47. It is impossible to determine the paternity of a fetus while it is still in utero
48. Regulations regarding hospital privileges and state licensing are a myth
49. The five lowest-scoring interns on the "intern test" do not get asked back to the program (see #35)
50. "Do you have any pain?... Any... anything?" constitutes sufficient history-taking when a patient has been in a car accident
51. General surgery interns routinely work in the NICU
52. Orthopedics chief residents preside over general surgery residents
53. This chief of surgery, when he reaches his mid-50's, should probably step down for being "too old"
54. PGY4 Orthopedics residents are the only available surgeons with enough expertise to bounce back and forth between 3 concurrent surgeries